Tomi made us enter the mystery

The disease when the invitation is irreversible to appear to that dimension that we call death and that coexists silent among us. It is always there, only that we have stayed with the ideas of the division of shrinking its reduced space to comforting ideas that ensure that we are better … without pain, without needs, without existential anguish … because it will no longer be our territory to talk.

When my son Tomi became ill of cancer, we almost knew that time was valuable. He himself told me by intuiding, and already traveling the depth of what came: “Time is finite mom. I feel that I am like the boat of the ship to which you have to tear off your scabs and calcareous with your fingers even if you bleed. ”

It was two exact years and four months, on the five day we were marking steps to take their awareness that this was now the mark of our time. I say our time, although the lacerating pain of dismissing a child does not compare. My other six children lived in full that time. Today it unites us an understanding of the place where Toni lives that he was guiding as our captain of that helmet that finally sailed free, one morning on April 5 when the bells of the Benedictine convent sounded announcing the Angelus.

Recently, it was his 51st birthday and we celebrated it as he celebrated life on every day he was in this place, in visible and real presence held cooking and inventing rich things. The table was its preferred place and today its chair is without occupying. But we know that his presence is strong, brilliant, cheerful …

Each of us has it next to it, . . Almost everyone is presented from time to time, most of the time it is a bird that hits the glass, a hummingbird that walks close and beats its wings in front of us as greeting or giving again that last day goodbye from the white bed. Kala and Viola, his women’s daughters, find it in the butterfly and dragonflies … However, when there is a reason for celebration. Tomi manages.

With this, my beloved son, came to me the mystery of the deep dimension of the union of souls, of the thin line between the visible presence and the one to wait for a body because it is there, coexists with us.

When his illness began, I clung with everything to the deep one that nests in me, I had it, although at the moment he broke out to stay inviting more and more depth as time passes.

There I understood that the miracle that we imagine as something that can twist what happens is actually a mystery to which you have to enter. That is the most valuable gift that Tomi’s life left us. Before we call it death, now we know that it is a strong and constant presence, we know of the union of our souls among us, although each one has their way of having come to understand that mystery so part of life itself, which is the only one who does not It has finitude between all the concepts built so as not to enter it and dance and sing and celebrate who we are.